Stand In Your Truth

I am a truth seeker, I am not going to lie about my life, or what happened in it to look "good" or sound perfect. Because honestly, my life isn't perfect, and I haven't fully trusted god the whole way. I get pissed at him a lot, I didn't even talk to him for 2 months when I found out I was sexually abused. and some days I cried out for him to talk to me and I wished for him to talk to me, and surprisingly he did come to me in a dream. but lately I haven't been as involved with him, I haven't been to church in 3 weeks, I am not understanding anything from the messages ], and that scares me. I want to be close to him again but I'm just not feeling it. when I read the bible I can't even find a good verse to read because it's just a big jumble of stories to me. my relationship with god might not be perfect, but I will never lie about that.